Spurs will be forgotten unless they win something…

Spurs will be forgotten unless they win something…

You know what to do…mail us at theeditor@football365.com

Dear Agony Aunt…
My mother has recently shacked up with some man from Portugal, and I’m really not sure what to do. His name is Jose and even though he’s only been around a few months, is acting like he’s not going to be leaving. I’m now getting concerned. In fact, I’ve decided that Jose is officially going to be the loudmouth tit of a man that my mother stupidly ends up being with for the long haul.

Sadly, things just haven’t been the same since Dad left back in 2013. I mean, I love Dad. He was the best there ever was. Nobody can replace him. Sure, he had a bit of a temper and loved a drop of wine, but he knew how to brighten up your Monday mornings by giving you the best weekends imaginable to reflect back on. Dad was always there for you. Him and his quiet friend with the tinted glasses that always wore a tracksuit. Jose isn’t the same. He’s cold, loud, frustratingly pouty, and pretty outspoken. Maybe it’s a cultural thing? I rarely see Dad anymore anyway. Nowadays he occasionally pops in, but really likes to keep to himself. It makes me miss him even more. Even the two chaps that Mum dated in between Dad and Jose weren’t sooooo bad. The pasty Scottish one was a bit of a rebound; glad he shot off. The Dutch guy struggled to fit in a bit too, and was slightly jumbled. That time he fell over confused us all. He was stubborn and never liked to go outside much, but was tolerable. Liked raisins too.
Ah, but Dad.

Dad used to treat us to the best, five-star restaurants in town, usually on a Tuesday or Wednesday night. It was exotic stuff – Spanish, German, whatever you wanted. The best of the best. Now with Joe, you’re often stuck with him eating some odd eastern European food on a Thursday night. Plus you have to drive really far in order to get it – and it’s usually not that good when you get there. Ugh. And I haven’t even talked about Joe’s friend. He’s this bizarre looking fella. Tall with really poofy hair. He just clangs about the house, running into furniture and breaking things. At least he listens well, I suppose.

Dad also used to be popular with all the school boys in the road as well. That was brilliant. When I was younger he used to invite them round to play – and – if they were nice, come back again the next weekend. Jose *claims* to know all the local school children in the village, but I know he doesn’t (I bet he was just as mean and full of it in his last relationship).

There’s these two in particular he’s always shouting at. I don’t get it. It makes me sad. Last weekend he was vociferously bellowing and gesticulating at one the blonde one through the kitchen window. Proper pedantic stuff. I think it’s just this guy’s genetics. So what if he’s a little ’rounder’? He can’t help the way he looks. At this point I just try and tune Jose out.

Oh, and don’t get me going on this point, but Jose also has this other friend, or “friend’…I don’t know how to describe him. Joe claims he’s this rich Frenchman who is one of the best in the world at what he does. He nears a spitting resemblance to one of these kids who started attending our school a number of years ago. He left for some reason, but I have a sneaky feeling that it’s him – just dressed more like a prat with this obnoxious dog urine stain in his hair. I don’t dare ask why he ended up becoming so rich though.

It’s honestly as though the house I grew up in is changing and losing its identity. Sigh. Change isn’t bad. It really isn’t, but you just want it to be more positive and done in a way that continues the great stuff Dad did when he was around.

Speaking of Frenchmen and change as well, by the way, I should tell you that one of my best friend’s Mums married one of them, and he’s been around for like…20 years or something. Honestly the nicest, smartest chap around. But my mate keeps telling me how awful and clueless he is. I just want to slap him. He has no idea what he’s going to miss if the Gallic man goes indeed back home to Paris. He’ll soon be moaning to me if one of Jose’s pals slides on it. Trust me.

Anyway, everything has changed since Jose turned up. Mum’s not as happy, I’m not happy, and now I’m stuck with this arrogant bloke who I bet bottles his own farts in order to save them for later.

Whatever shall I do?
Daniel Storey’s Biggest Fan

Get used to the dangerous tackles debate
There were seasons when no one understood the offside rule, there were other seasons when the discussion du jour concerned what a deliberate handball might look like. This season it’s red card tackles.

I would suggest that the collective thoughts from the governing bodies down to the referees is that any studs-up tackle that lands on a player is a red card. Problem is you get more than one of these each game. They are also tackles that look anything from innocuous to GBH depending on angle and slow down. You also get those weird ones, like Theo Walcott’s against Man City, where you can’t tell if he’s trying to control the ball or make a tackle. When will we see the first red card for clumsy studs-up ball control?

Only point of this mail is that we should all be prepared to be bored silly by exactly the same debate every single weekend. I think Seb Larsson’s tackle was honest but also rubbish to the point of danger, so I *think* the red was fair. Being as bitter and childish as I am I reserve my right to get snarky about all the identical tackles that Ashley Young and Marcos Rojo have been getting away with most weeks. It’s basically a red card offence which is punished around 20% of the time and leads to boring arguments of whataboutery 100% of the time
James Gooner

Peter G’s weekend thoughts
* At the beginning of March, West Bromwich Albion were headed for a highest-ever-recorded 42.1% of shots on target resulting in goals. In the six games since then, the figure has been 15%. Saturday they had the misfortune to run into Fraser Forster having his first really good game of the season. Dusan Tadic continues to be a superb number 10, and should play there forever.

* In his Early Loser piece, Daniel Storey offered some stats on Swansea City’s precipitous drop in form. Here’s another: on Saturday against West Ham, who allow a very high five shots on target per match, Swansea registered only one, from a Gylfi Sigurdsson free kick. A bright spot for the Hammers was Sam Byram, who looks like he’s making progress at right-back.

* Middlesbrough gave it a real go against Burnley, but the game finished 0-0 on merit. They’re only six points behind Hull City with a game in hand, and a decisive advantage in goal difference. But they have a much more difficult run-in, including Arsenal, Man City, Chelsea, and in the final week, Liverpool. Hull play Spurs in the final week, but no other team higher than Southampton. The Clarets have now surpassed Derby County’s record low of three away points, but still are on pace for a record low percentage of away points, at 11.1%.

* Stoke City aren’t getting the results right now, but Saido Berahino is looking better with each game. His movement and work rate are miles ahead of when he started with the club. Under the right manager, which is probably not Mark Hughes, he can still flourish.
Peter G, Pennsylvania, USA

Dele Alli >>>>>> Paul Pogba
I know it must frustrate F365’s writers, as they spent most of the early part of the season sneering at a number of so-called PFMs, but Dele Alli has outscored Paul Pogba for the second season in a row.

Still think Paul Pogba is the better player guys? Guys?

This website delights in reminding us when pundits make fools of themselves (did you know that Paul Merson didn’t think Marco Silva was up the task?), but it would be quite refreshing to see F365 take its own hastily formed opinions to task.

You could even make an article out of it. There’s more than enough examples for a top ten.
Roo Cumner-Price

This Spurs need to win something
Great email by James Gooner.

Couldn’t agree more. Whilst every Spurs fan and most pundits/journalists seem to agree that this Spurs team can only get better, history seems to show otherwise.

The Premier League behemoths will regroup sooner or later and as James points out, if this current team doesn’t take advantage, the chance will have gone. Pochettino will be back in Spain, Lloris will be back in France, and Alli/Alderweireld will be in Manchester.

And just as James says, the team will be forgotten by all except their own fans.

I speak from experience on this, as everyone loves to reference how close we came to the league a few years ago, but they all forget that in 08/09 we really should have won it. We had an incredible team that beat Real Madrid 4-0 at home, Utd 4-1 away and Villa (just to round it off) 5-0 all within a week. Only Fergie time and one (two) hit wonder Kiko Macheda stopped us winning that title. And it would have been deserved as opposed to the smash and grab we almost achieved in the 13/14 season.

So yeah, in short Spurs fans, if you want anyone else to remember this team, you have to win something big.
Dom (we came close with a great team in ’02 as well, but only we remember that) Littleford

Oh and…
Just after I sent my email I heard a spurs fan on 5 live saying that none of the team or management would leave as they all love each other and are having fun.

Sometimes your eyes lie too…
I agree with Alex Stokoe’s overall point in his Sunday mail highlighting the limitations of statistics in assessing the qualities of players. However his exhortation for fans to use their eyes to judge players also suffers from its own limitations which I feel are not discussed enough. Football fans have biases – mental and emotional- that rarely make it easy to assess the qualities (or lack thereof) of a given player in a neutral way.

You are more likely to appreciate the talents of players of your own team than those of others for starters. In addition, confirmation bias means that when you think a player is good, you are likely to continue to see his performances in that light even if they decline. Conversely if you think a player is terrible, it takes a lot for you to change your mind on that score. And that’s before we get into the minefield of what qualities we prioritize for players in any given position.

Furthermore, sometimes the game moves too fast to see exactly what is going on. For a fan to pick out the run of the players, the movement of the ball and the positioning of the defenders all at once is not an easy thing. Granted stats can’t shed light on those actions either, but unless you continually freeze-frame the game to note what is happening, you will rarely grasp the full dynamics of the game when it is in full flow.
Turiyo Damascene (Very much agree that Trippier is hugely underrated) Kigali, Rwanda

Final thought
From what I can gather, Umbro have always functioned on a limited budget.

But can they seriously not make a shirt big enough for Romelu Lukaku?

I know he’s big. But don’t they make an extra large? It looks like he forgot his P.E. kit on sports day and had to grab a year 7’s kit from the lost property cupboard.
Ben Doherty, aged 24 and a half

Nice one Degs
Remember that chap that said he didn’t like Degsy’s column? If he did, he’d find himself with over six times his money after another good weekend for Bilton. Best column on the site, for me.
Adam Corbett