England players in ‘back on time’ shame!

England players in ‘back on time’ shame!

England players return on time!
England captain Wayne Rooney pictured ‘paralytic’ at a wedding at 5am while wearing his England gear was a story; other England players going on a night out when they had been given time off is vehemently not a story, regardless of The Sun’s attempts to tell us those footballers are ‘SHAMED’.

They clearly have very, very vague details of this night out, described as a ‘4AM BENDER’ even though there is no evidence of any excessive drinking. They then use the word ‘drunken scenes’ without any photographs or even evidence from the usual ‘bystanders’ that there were any ‘drunken scenes’ at all.

This is the best line of the whole sorry piece. It’s italicised so we know it’s important:

‘And as he (Rooney) apologised yesterday, it was understood that several more aces went to a local nightclub where they partied til 4.30am on Sunday – the day they had been told to report back.’

So they went out – which was allowed – and then came back on the day they had been told to report back!

Hanging is quite literally too good for them.

Rudder nonsense
Mediawatch also enjoyed this quote, from a wonderfully vague ‘football source’:

“If they had a permanent manager, this would not have erupted – but the ship is a bit rudderless.”

That’s from p7 of The Sun.

So let’s now turn to p59 of The Sun and this from Neil Ashton:

‘Sadly, this latest boozy escapade not a one-off for Wazza.

‘In Alicante last November, after England were beaten by Spain, the captain went on an almighty bender with some of his team-mates.

‘It was no ordinary night.’

Mediawatch is pretty sure that England then had a permanent manager.

And that The Sun’s ‘football source’ doesn’t actually exist.

Klopp that
We do rather love Jurgen Klopp but this is utterly ridiculous from the Liverpool manager as he attempts to do his jolly smiley thing on Wayne Rooney:

“He’s apologised for having a glass of whatever? I really feel for the players. There’s a human being behind the kid.

“This generation is the most professional generation of footballers we have ever had.

“The legends drank like devils and were still good players.

“I’m pretty sure what Wayne did wasn’t so serious.

“That’s the life we live, under a (magnifying) glass and in one or two weeks no one will remember this.”

A few things, Jurgen…

1) Wayne Rooney is 31. He is not a ‘kid’.

2) He clearly had more than a ‘glass of whatever’.

3) The ‘legends’ would not have a chance against today’s ultra-fit generation of footballers; stick Bryan Robson after a bender up against N’Golo Kante and he would have his arse royally tanned.

4) It really won’t be forgotten; this is the England captain paralytic in an England top. He may never play for England again. But yeah…lager lager lager oi oi oi.

Blame the plebs
From Martin Samuel in the Daily Mail, who begins his column recounting a conversation he had with Wayne Rooney ‘speeding through the Cheshire countryside’, which sounds like a delightful date.

‘There is hypocrisy on both sides. No doubt the guests at the wedding party Rooney crashed loved having him in their company. They would have bought the red wine that coloured his lips, pleaded for the photographs that were then placed in the public domain.

”Not a pretty sight,’ was one observation of the England captain at the end of the night – and no, it isn’t.

‘The England captain may have been drunk but he was more sincere in his behaviour than many at The Grove hotel.’

Our England hero: Sincerely getting p***ed.

Carwatch
Remember this from Neil Ashton in The Sun in April:

‘MARCUS RASHFORD turns up for work and parks his modest Audi A3 next door to a £300,000 Rolls Royce belonging to Memphis Depay.

‘Rashford, with six goals in 11 starts for Manchester United, is the £1,500-a-week footballer with his feet firmly on the floor.’

And now…

Rashford drives ��60,000 Mercedes car into Carrington training ground https://t.co/WH1d9Y7h44 via @MailSport

— Captain Wazzaa (@HerreDegeaa) November 17, 2016

It’s almost like he only had a relatively inexpensive car because he was earning relatively low wages and not because he was a better person than that filthy foreign Memphis Depay.

Unhealthy competition
‘Can Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger finally get the better of Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho at the 14th time of asking?’ asks MailOnline. Wait a minute, are we still doing this? Apparently so…

‘Thirteen matches is a long time in football.

‘To give it some context, if Arsenal were to fail to win any of their next 13 then it would take them through to the middle of January.

‘It is a run of games long enough to return fair judgement.

So what are we to make of the 13 competitive games in which Arsene Wenger has failed to beat Jose Mourinho?’

Well what Mediawatch ‘makes of it’ is that including Mourinho’s 2005 Community Shield win as a ‘competitive game’ is bit sodding cheeky if you don’t then acknowledge that Wenger’s 2015 victory in the same competition ended that run of ‘competitive games’ without a win.

It’s a mystery

The last Arsenal team to win away at Man Utd in the league: Where are they now? #AFC https://t.co/nw99kJUugv

— Telegraph Football (@TeleFootball) November 17, 2016

Ooooh, where is Cesc Fabregas? How could we possibly track him down? Can we use those people from Channel 4’s Hunted?

We can’t help thinking the appeal of these ‘where are they now?’ pieces is diluted somewhat by the game in question being just ten years ago and the answer being a little think and a Google away.

Sausage batty
Were you under the illusion that Chelsea’s results have been improved thanks to a combination of a formation change, hard work, managerial expertise from a serial title winner and the introduction of a handful of new signings?

Fools.

Let’s allow The Sun comic to explain the real reason:

‘ANTONIO CONTE has got his Chelsea players eating out of his hand thanks to a hot sausage and a dollop of ketchup.

‘The wily Italian healed deep divisions and mistrust among the squad from the disastrous previous season by throwing a barbecue at the club’s plush Surrey training ground.

‘Conte invited wives and families and even laid on a bouncy castle and a kids’ football match in a bid to win over his players.

‘The result has been a remarkable turnaround in results and attitude from a now-united dressing room – as the Stamford Bridge side sit second in the Premier League, just a point behind Liverpool.’

Did they temporarily forget the taste of those lovely sausages when they were getting schooled by Liverpool and Arsenal in consecutive games?

Vague sentence of the day
Thanks to Dave Kidd – now back at The Sun – for this one, hidden within his ‘Southgate wants Neville for Under-21s’ exclusive:

‘Boss Antonio Conte and Chelsea’s hierachy will want an English presence on the first-team coaching staff. That could lead to the possibility of Frank Lampard returning to the club he left in 2014.’

So that’s a massive assumption swiftly followed by a ‘could lead’ and a ‘possibility’.

It’s nailed on.

Bah bah bah humbug
Add ‘shirt sleeve sponsors’ to the list of things that annoy old men about football. Cue Brian Reade in the Daily Mirror:

‘FROM next season Premier League clubs will be allowed to sell their shirt sleeves to advertisers. Which should herald the death of the short-sleeved shirt…’

What Reade does not mention: Until the end of last season, the Premier League’s sponsor was advertised on the shirt sleeves. And we’re pretty sure that some of those shirts were short.

Willian, it was really nothing
Mediawatch is confused by the popular football media. Sometimes spending money is bad (cars, tattoos, wages etc) and sometimes spending money is really very good.

Here’s Mike Keegan of the Daily Mail:

‘A private jet costing £120,000 to hire flew from Peru to Europe on Wednesday with the superstar Brazilian footballers of Liverpool, Manchester City and Paris Saint-Germain on board. The cost was shared by the three clubs so they could have their players back as soon as possible.

‘But as the plane touched down in England, Chelsea’s Brazilian players were still hanging around in South America after their 2-0 victory in Lima, waiting for a scheduled flight from Brazil to bring them back, confused as to why they did not get the same five-star treatment as their international team-mates.

‘Players such as Philippe Coutinho and Roberto Firmino of Liverpool and Manchester City’s Fernandinho have now been able to train a day ahead of those from Chelsea.

‘On Wednesday, the London club, who are surely not one who like to do things on the cheap with their billionaire owner Roman Abramovich, confirmed that because Chelsea play at Middlesbrough in the Premier League on Sunday – a day later than City and Liverpool – they did not feel an urgent need to get their players home.’

So Chelsea decided that their players could return a day later – first class – from South America because they are playing for Chelsea a day later? It sounds like a perfectly reasonable explanation. Surely they explained this to any players who are ‘confused as to why they did not get the same five-star treatment as their international team-mates’?

Players? Did we say ‘players’? Oddly, the MailOnline have since changed Keegan’s story – only poor Willian (no Premier League starts in six weeks, unlikely to play against Middlesbrough on Sunday) was left stranded for an extra 24 hours in his home country before being flown back first class. Any mention of David Luiz has now been edited out of the piece. Not before the clicky ball got rolling, mind…

Why David Luiz and Willian went long haul while Brazilian team-mates took private jet

Lovely man of the day

Bastian Schweinsteiger proves he's the perfect gentleman https://t.co/uWQ28Rfqca pic.twitter.com/8tHb7gVPEZ

— The Sun Football ⚽ (@TheSunFootball) November 17, 2016

Look at him, holding the car door open for his wife. To save you clicking the link, he also held an umbrella to save her for the rain. What a hero.

Recommended reading of the day
Barney Ronay on Wayne Rooney’s lack of fitness
Marina Hyde on the UK, ethically challenged butler to Qatar’s World Cup dreams
Paul Tomkins on stats geeks and Proper Football Men