Mails: Which players are at the wrong club?

Mails: Which players are at the wrong club?

A really good Mailbox week, that. Keep them coming over the weekend to theeditor@football365.com…

Which players are at the wrong club?
Friday afternoon topic time and I am suggesting players you think are at the wrong club. This could be for any reason, not just that they might be playing at the wrong level. My suggestions would be;

– Gylfi Sigurdsson – at Swansea, should be at Liverpool. Tremendous player Gylfi, absolutely superb. Movement, passing and shooting all top drawer. Swansea would be a mess without him. I could see him slotting into the front three at Liverpool very nicely, especially with Mane away for the ACN in January. Liverpool tried to sign him before but this was during the time when Liverpool scouted people, and either Chelsea or Spurs pounced (see also Willian, Salah and Alli). I would see it as a long term thing but the cover for January is key so would need to be done early doors.

– Oscar – at Chelsea, should be at Arsenal. Amazingly has played 200 games for Chelsea and has 48 caps for Brazil. It looks like Willian who could be edged out but I would say at Oscar at Arsenal makes sense (for the record I am not saying these could happen, just that the player would suit another club). Wenger loves a small, tricky attacking midfielder and his play out wide, coupled with his defensive work, would certainly be an upgrade on those currently in place. Not sure he fits the 3-4-3 Conte is making such a success of at the Bridge, with Hazard and Pedro looking locked in.

– Shane Long – at Southampton, should be at West Brom. It is not happening for Long at the moment. I watched the Europa match last night and he looked completely out of sorts (out of salts? Not sure which it is). West Brom scored a hatful on Monday night but will face sterner tests. A return to the Baggies for Long, playing off Rondon would look lovely.

– Marko Arnautović – at Stoke, should be at Everton. Lukaku will leave, of course he will leave. I have a sneaking suspicion it will be abroad (Atlético Madrid?). When he does Marko could be ideal. He seems to be stagnating a little at Stoke and strikes me as though he needs a new challenge. Young enough to develop but old enough to meet the test. Capable of spectacular finishes, great hold up play and got a bit of the devil about him. Would suit Everton down to the ground.
Micki Attridge

Despite the sh*te, nothing does moments like football
Looking back on Steven Gerrard’s best goals via one of many YouTube videos made me incredibly nostalgic for two reasons. Though he gave my friends and I innumerable great moments purely as Liverpool fans I realised that these moments are indelibly linked with fairly mundane yet special memories of growing up.

The Champions league final performance brought back memories of backing Jaap Stam to score a header at any time, nearly ripping my betting slip in half at half time then running shirtless and euphoric down the Antrim Road in Belfast, drunk on cheap lager and not giving a damn about my GCSE English the next morning.

I remember driving to work after the wonder goal against West Ham to listen to extra time on the radio, barely able to pay attention to customers.

I remember watching the slip against Chelsea on a snatched moment as a junior doctor working a lonely weekend shift in Scotland, scarcely believing what I had just seen.

Gerrard isn’t the only player to evoke emotions and memories like this for me, and I’m sure everyone has a player that has been with them through their formative years. Despite all the shite that comes with football, I’m glad these are the things I’ll remember.
Neil, LFC, Gold Coast via Belfast

The joy of good players being crap
Understandably, Mailboxers usually focus on the biggest teams and the best players, and are often highly critical of them – team X is “in crisis” if they go 3 games without winning, player Y is “overrated” if he has a couple of sub-par performances.

I think sometimes we forget that we’re talking about the best 0.0001% players in the country – people who have made many sacrifices to get to that level, where success is never guaranteed along the way and where one injury can finish your already short career. They are capable of consistently doing things on the pitch that us average Joes writing into the Mailbox could only dream of.

But by God I love it when elite footballers do something crap – something that would get you laughed at in a local park game, let alone in front of 50,000 fans. Here are a few personal favourites that always raise a smile:

– The away team’s goalie takes a goal kick, slips and ends up on his backside watching the ball shank off into a cheering crowd.
– A player gets nutmegged, tries to close his legs quickly after the ball has gone and falls over backwards due to the sudden loss of balance.
– A winger/fullback goes to swing in a cross and succeeds only in hitting the ball into his own standing leg before it bobbles apologetically out of play for a goal kick.
– A player balloons a penalty over the bar, then bends down to flatten out an imaginary divot
– A player tries to show off by doing a rabona and goes full on David Dunn (https://youtu.be/x4fsLeCjB4s)

Does anyone else have any other crap football favourites to add to the list?
BR, (Have definitely done most of the things on the list myself), NCFC

Yeah, genuinely missed this one
Surprised the excellent watcher preview made no reference to events north of the border. For some inexplicable reason the Scottish League cup final is now in November! Last (and currently this) season’s top two Celtic and Aberdeen will compete. Bookies strongly fancy the Bhoys but Celtic have a terrible recent record at Hampden.

Plus always the chance of an ever-fun penalty shootout!
Dan (running & tackles > technique & composure), LTFC

A long one on punditry and false indignation
I read Johnny Nic’s piece on his namesake Pearce with some interest.

I should state at this early stage I am in the camp that loathe him so it wasn’t easy reading when I was expecting to see him pilloried for his numerous crimes against my senses. But, being the reasonable fellow I am, I can understand that not everybody sees things my way. It did however, remind me of a long-held gripe I have against him and his like. And I was inspired to write in.

In a world of social Justice warriors, misinformation and Facebook fuelled tribunals there is one thing that bothers me above all else – false indignation.

We’ve all had to accept that with ease of communications, people of all walks are far more inclined to shout others into submission than they were 20 years ago. But what we’ve lost to objectivity, we seem to have made up for in followers and likes. Fair trade, right?

More followers suddenly means more validity. As though your popularity (or volume) counts as a primary source. And where we used to rely on the opinions of the most informed, we now listen to people who make a near professional habit of complaining. The masses at last have a voice and for the most-part, they use it to snipe, whine and grumble. Reassuring us all that they’re a better version than the rest of us.

But long before there was social media, there were football commentators. I’m looking at you here Pearce (He’ll never be Johnno to me). Let me hit you with one of the worst soundbites being espoused in football today: ‘Aww, you don’t like to see that.’

This expression invariably follows one of several incidents on or off the field. A malicious challenge, so-called ‘handbags’, or God-willing one of those rare occasions when something truly sensational happens. Cantona, Zidane, Suarez. All names that have gone down in football folklore. All incidents that have elicited sheer disgust from their respective commentators.

But let’s just consider this – Cantona kung-fu kick (OK – maybe that isn’t the best example) youtube views: 1,752,147. Zidane (sort-of) headbutt youtube views: 7,211,582. Suarez ‘compilation of 3 bites’ youtube video: 4,518,616.

We, the football faithful, understand that this is mundane punditry towing the party-line. We know that footballers are supposed to be role-models and their every action will be scrutinised. But just once, when something ‘bad’ like a bit of a scuffle breaks out, I’d love not to hear those pundits explode, rail and preach against it.

I’m not naive. I don’t expect Motty or Michael Owen to cheer on with us as some onfield nastiness unfolds. But in a world where pundits are so frequently found out to be just as thuggish as the rest of us in the heat of the moment (or far worse in the case of some – Keys, Gray, Big Ron). What I would like is not to have to suffer them admonishing those players (and vicariously us) with all the righteous vitriol of a Catholic priest.

We love to see incident in football. This was once a man’s game dictated by the spewing testosterone of the un-emancipated. We want to see them hit each other as hard as Rugby and NHL players do, and we want to see blood. Football is the great male soap opera after all, and by God we want melodrama.

No, we don’t like cheats and I’m not advocating it. But when has ‘fighting’ (and I use the word lightly) ever really qualified as cheating? I know for a fact that I’d rather watch Luis Suarez having a nibble on Akbal/Ivanovic/Chiellini than I would see him handballing Ghana out of a World Cup semi-final, that’s disgusting. What happened to a time when men settled their differences as men and the rest of us stood over them, pint in hand, chortling truisms and vague opinion?

Does it really set a bad example? Really? Give us some credit for God’s sake. When Robbie Fowler snorted the touchline; when Adebayor ran to cheer in front of the Arsenal away fans; when Frank Rijkaard spat in Rudi Voller’s hair. We loved it all because it gave us something more to talk about and let’s face it, as football fans, that’s our fuel.

Yes there is a problem with Racism and homophobia in the game and no, I’m not saying footballers or even the fans are exempt from social norms just because they are supposedly salt-of-the earth kinda’ geezas.

Can’t we just have some bloody honesty? That’s what’s setting a bad example. After all, we came to see a fight. So can’t we all just not get along?
Max, London (QPR)

This is correct
Is it just me or is El-Hadji Diouf to Gerrard what the weird fitness egg is to Klopp/Poch/Other high profile managers.
John, Australia

Another trick of the trade
FAO Anonymous hard worker, the City

I’ve refined my tactic and copy & paste into an email draft. Try it!

Also, I suggest sitting there reading it with a look of deep concentration on your face for an extra air of authenticity.

Kind regards
Anonymous worker

…I can go one better than Anonymous Office Worker from this morning’s mailbox.

I copy the mailbox, paste it into a new email, close it to save it as a draft and drag the message into my inbox.
Anonymous Office Worker #2, The City

…Not only the mailbox… before I started working for myself, I used to copy and paste pretty much the entire site into an email every morning (and sometimes lunchtime too…)

Love,
Ben, MCFC, Manchester

But there are pitfalls
In reply to Anonymous hard worker, the City, I myself copy and paste into word as I have mentioned in a previous mail, it’s a fine way to read the site without drawing attention, but there are occasions where this can lead to confusion as I encountered this morning whilst reading Big Weekend. I was scrolling through the Team to watch – Manchester United section and had got to the following passage.

‘The dominant performance against Feyenoord, with a big-money signing who has been left outside in the cold for four months, makes Mourinho’s suggestion of a ‘broken’ squad look laughable. The ingredients are there, Jose.’

At this point I looked up to check nobody was approaching, and as there wasn’t, I continued reading…

‘Shocks’ story is one of unimaginable cruelty. But thankfully, this Christmas will be one of love, warmth and kindness.’

At this point I began racking my mind as to who this ‘Shocks’ signing was, and wondered whether the unimaginable cruelty being spoken of was being benched for most of the season so far (which I thought seemed a little over the top), and whether his performance against Feyenoord was the reason that this Christmas will be one of love warmth and kindness for him from Mourinho. It appeared he had been playing a bit like a donkey. I hadn’t heard him mentioned before, I was sure he didn’t play. This wasn’t scanning well.

Confused, I returned to the site to find out Shocks is an actual donkey and appeared as part of an advert placed between paragraphs, and not a big name signing who Mourinho has struggled to shoehorn into his starting lineup. My copy and paste ruse had played the cruellest of jokes on me, but I had to laugh. Shocks looks a bit like David De Gea actually. Anyway, I hope this helps other copy and paste readers avoid making the same mistake in the future which could leave them with a few seconds confusion.
Chris ITFC, (Made a donation) Liverpool